Category Archives: General

“Alone in the City”

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Sometimes, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.

A few weeks ago I challenged a single lady…to stop complaining and doing the same things she did in 2013. I was adamant that she had to do something different in 2014. Well, well…what came out of it surprised me. She offered to share her ramblings including mode swings, prayers, expectations, fears, challenges, concerns, questions and stories weekly while offering the public a chance to weigh in as well.

She’s educated, matured, 30-40ish, christian lady and believe me we’ve decided to talk about anything. Nothing is off limit, or too sacred…and the kicker is there is absolutely no scripting whatsoever. She has the benefit of anonimity to be herself and so without much ado, I know each week will present it’s own share of fun, challenge and insight. Honestly, I can’t tell you how this ends…because I don’t know so why don’t we go on this journey together? I hope you tag along…it starts next week, Wednesday January 22nd. Excited? Absolutely, you should.
@PstFlo

Her Introduction –

Hello dear friends of Relationships Do Matter (RDM) –
Recently, I decided to take Pastor Flo’s advice to stop doing the same things regarding my dating life in 2014. I mean, if I want to get out of living single and into marriage, I might actually have to leave my house, right? So far, The One hasn’t crashed through my roof so I guess he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to meet him halfway or he has been searching for me, who knows.

Me: I am a spontaneous, witty, funny late 30ish lady currently based in one of the cold regions in the US and and things can get really slow around these parts. I think I’m a decent-looking girl with some fashion sense. So I don’t understand why weeks go by, and not even a wink from a guy, any guy! Like a friend once said, “I don’t understand. It’s like I’m a ghost”. I know that being single is not a status and really means being content with the life I have but I have struggles.

This column is about me taking the bull by its horns this year. I’m going to try different things since the everyday “girl bumps into guy, they fall in love” scenario is not quite working (where I live, I’m more likely to bump into a snowbank). I will try online dating, I will not say no to any friends, family or strangers who want to play matchmaker, and I will not judge any guy until I’ve been out with him at least twice.

Your role, my dear readers, here is to help me along this journey. I will need your opinions and your advice. You will help me spot the red flags. You will tell me if I’m being overly picky.

I’m excited about this next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. Pastor Flo (@holyflo) will be the voice of wisdom on this forum/exchange/conversation and will help us all tie our loose ends together. If there is a heated debate, his will be the calm voice that will bring folks back to order.

I look forward to the next few months and invite you to be a voice on this journey.

Connect with RDM, here:
Follow Blog: www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Like us RDM on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/relationshipsdm

It will be fun, I hope !?!
Bye for now.
I am “Alone in the City” (c)

Relationships Do Matter, 2014

Pst Bimbo, 8 years ago…

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We remember...
 We will never forget...because we are the lives you touched, inspired and challenged.
Thank you for an amazing legacy and example.
 Love & Miss you...Pastor Bimbo.
Continue to Rest in Peace.
 'Flo & Lande

 

“I want to be SIX again.” – Joke

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“Misunderstood Again”



A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop and the Wall of Fear–everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie – the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and M & Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. The wife said, “You idiot, I meant my dress size!” The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he “might” still get it wrong. So make sure you understand what you hear.

November…

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This month –

Your expectations will not be disappointed.
Your hopes will not be destroyed.
Your past will not overwhelm or destroy your present and future.

You will be bigger, wiser, bolder, richer and stronger as you continue to BUILD, DEVELOP, LEARN, DISCOVER life changing and relationships maximizing insights and revelation.

The key is ACTING upon INFORMATION.
Victory, Success and Harvest will not manifest by casually observing life or events and by being passive.
You must be bold and courageous…do, be, act, love, pray, believe, reach etc.

Nothing will stop you in November…

Believe that!
pFlo

#relationshipsdomatter

 

We remember (9/11)

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We remember 9/11.
We remember tragedies, war, violence, disaster, wickedness.
We remember loss, pain, calamity, suffering, tears, separation and much more.

Today, we remember the victims and heroes of 9/11.
We remember the loved ones and communities of those who died and their loved ones.

We also remember the sacrifices that countless Americans make today and many others around the world to prevent such tragic events from happening again.

We remember…

20130911-093123.jpg

Image: Google Images

No Sex, It’s Over! A candid response to a common problem. (Must Read for Singles)

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I was searching for an ideal title for this post and contemplated on the following, thanks to all who shared tips.

  • Seriously, You’re Not Having Sex?
  • Fact: Abstinence is Impossible in 2013.
  • Abstinence/Celibacy will keep you Single for the rest of your life.
  • No Sex, No Thank You!
  • No Sex, It’s Over.
  • Without Sex, There is no future in this relationship.

OK, anyone of these titles would work. By the way, let me warn you…
if you hate stories that really get to issues and do not tend to hide or pretend then you won’t like this one. So please don’t read on.

If you rather act the part, maintain the facade, then absolutely this story isn’t for you. This is a real story, the frequency of which, honestly is alarming especially with the associated silence from many. Honestly, the silence is literally ‘killing’ many people. So this is a ‘wake-up’ call-kinda story; it is more than wake up actually it has a “DO-Something-Now” component to it and we must start within our walls.

Background:
“James and Sophie have been an item, romantically linked for less than six (6) months before the first sign of sexual tension surfaced, needless-to-say despite James best intentions…his raging hormones like an inferno wanted an outlet. Those desires eventually became to intense to bear or ignore…silently James had hope this relationship would be void of this tension considering both parties are committed Christians and really love the vision and mission of their local church yet when the chips are down, the struggles continue.

Eventually, James seemingly incapable of hiding those feelings mentioned to Sophie that they should do what is ‘necessary’ and ‘common’ to many to keep their relationship going and hopefully move it to the next level. That particular evening, as James uttered his sexual desires/feelings for Sophie and his rationale for compromising his stance, Sophie caught off guard could barely speak. Crying, sad and confused she drove home and a placed a call to a pastor for help.

Her Story:
Why are men so predictable? Why can’t even the best of them honor, appreciate a lady’s vow of celibacy. She lamented further that she had been very cautisous about her dress style, her actions, their interactions, disposition etc so as not to lead James on.

Further more she blurted, what is wrong with me? Or is something wrong with me for choosing to be celibate? I just want to please God…”

I was the Pastor she called and here is my response. Coincidentally, this was this week’s feature of “Ask pFlo” on Relationships Do Matter. (JOIN/Sign Up today)

My Initial Response:
Sophie; do not think for a second that you are alone or think that those who maintain a vow of celibacy are literally digging their ‘graves’ as some would have one believe in today’s culture. I am aware that this invariably sets a ‘soft’ limit on potential suitors because many guys today want to literally ‘eat’ their cake and have it.

Celibacy is commendable, spiritual and pleasing in God’s sight. It is indeed the fruit and choice of a disciple/faithful follower and I agree it’s not an easy choice.

As we spoke I realized that Sophie’s vow of celibacy has been an admitted challenge, a taboo of sorts and personally a source of pain because of two failed relationships due to the same sexual overtones and demands. What Sophie didn’t anticipate was a similar occurrence by an ‘insider’. She had hoped celibacy would be easier to manage with like minded friends and fellow believers. Coincidentally, what attracted Sophie to James was his strong stance on this issue during bible study. If there was anyone who could ‘stand’ and resist this prevalent temptation that is endemic to this generation it had to be James. His passion is contagious and humility amazing. So how could it be? James was handpicked…he is the ‘chosen’ one!!!

The story (modified slightly to protect identities) captures one of the most popular question I am asked during teaching sessions, conferences, workshops online and offline. So when this question was posed ‘again’ on Monday privately, I know it is the right time to speak up again. We’ve spent some hours expounding on this issue already on the Relationships Do Matter Facebook and Google Page (click on the links to follow/join in)

Sophie’s question is valid; “why me? What can I do ? Why are some of these Christian guys like the others? I don’t want to compromise my stand please help!

Now, More Comments:
If your initial response is the generic ‘dump him and God will provide your own, you are not saying anything new. She’s heard that 2 times already, recall she’s moved on from 2 previous relationships. So let me ask a rhetorical question, can we blame the other ladies/girls who so readily and easily give it up in hope that the guys will be satisfied and never leave? Or is it the guys fault that there are many girls willing to give it up? Hence preying on easy women ?

Or perhaps, the fear that by demanding celibacy, many will run off has paralyzed many ladies? I am aware that many who have taken a celibate stance especially ladies get laughed at by others who ‘give it up’ and are heading to the altar. Valid questions, real issues so what shall we say ?

Culled from the conversations (RDM chat conversations) –
Some have been unequivocal in their stance and position below –

Just keep praying to God to bring her a genuine born again Christian guy. A guy that will not make her to fall. A guy that will lead her spiritually. I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY THAT, there are genuine Christians guys out there, she just need to pray more and God will lead her to the right guy for her.

PRAYER IS CRITICAL, BUT THERE ARE SOME ISSUES THAT ALSO REQUIRE WISDOM, COUNSEL and in some cases RUNNING SHOES.

Another said, while some guys profess to be Christians, they probably lack understanding of what it means to be truly saved. They need more teaching on what is acceptable and appropriate in relationships. A BIG AMEN TO THAT, LET THEM US CALL WE CAN HELP.

Someone said, it’s the society’s fault as well as the Church and the men in general. WELL MAYBE!

To respond to the issue of the Church, as a Pastor I know what that entails: The church is a ‘laundromat’ of sorts – everyone is welcome but it is a place where many are trained, developed, disciplined, built up in righteousness. I must state that there is a direct correlation between study and approval. Paul (a mentor) told Timothy (2Tim) to STUDY God’s word so that he could SHOW himself approved. However length of duration required varies, some who arrived heavily soiled/stained indeed need more time, treatment, mentoring etc and there are some who are less stained and do not deal with some of the other ‘issues’ others might have…but regardless we all must come to God for cleansing, healing and restoration since we are all sinners saved by GRACE. So what or who or where do we go from here?

Honestly, we are living in precarious times…
These times are challenging times with diverse variables: a permissive culture, easy women, desperate women, open society which are all products of time, changing time.

In this case, I will ask the lady to do the following:

  1. Remain hopeful and prayerful.
  2. Join Relationship Do Matter Global Network (details below on how to connect on Social Media)
  3. Remain committed to her stance to be celibate.
  4. Remain faithful to the Word of God and service in God’s house.
  5. Tell James he should attend the next Relationship Matters Workshop (Inquire further) to be mentored in accordance to Titus 2; “Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world”.

When I get the opportunity to chat with James,
I will remind him on some of these truths:

  1. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 – Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
  2. James 4:17 – Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth [it] not, to him it is sin.
  3. Ephesians 6:10-18 – Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
  4. Hebrews 4:15 – For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin.
  5. Each man must learn to possess his own body with wisdom.
  6. Do not fall for the lie that your manhood is tied to how many women you’ve conquered.
  7. Obeying God (being celibate as a single) is very sexy.
  8. And ask him to memorize the popular song, “If you love me, you will wait for me”, because TRUE LOVE waits.

So do you agree, what else will you say to Sophie, James and others…
pFlo

Website/blog: http://www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Twitter: http://twitter.com/relationshipsDM
Google+: http://www.gplusid.com/+RDM

Pic: http://pinterest.com/pin/67694800621694414/

 

 

I THANK GOD FOR CLOSED DOORS – Tyler Perry

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Folks, this blessed me and I couldn’t keep it to myself. I really like Tyler Perry’s story and his simple and genuine writing style. I know this will encourage everyone. Go & Make Life Happen. Thank God for CLOSED DOORS, guess what…THANK GOD FOR HEART BREAKS, DISAPPOINTMENTS, FAILURES everything…because ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST. Thank God, do it Now!

I THANK GOD FOR CLOSED DOORS – By Tyler Perry

When I wake up in the morning and see the sunrise as I’m running, I thank God for new mercies every day. As I was running this morning I started thinking about this and you know how much I like to share my morning thoughts… LOL

I was out just thinking about my life and all the times that I wished that a door had opened. All the times I had promoters and people lie to me saying that they would help me… I remember wishing the bank would approve my loan request for a house or a car (usually one I couldn’t afford at the time). I wished that this person would help me or that person would do something to help my business, or this person would help my dreams come true.

As I look back now I’m so glad that none of those situations worked out. I’m so glad God closed those doors because they forced me to find the right path for me. If you’re in this situation and you feel like doors are closing all around you and you are frustrated, here’s something I’d like you to think about: Life can be like a living maze. You know what a maze is. In a maze, you start out at one end and your objective is to find your way to the finish line.

Many times you may make a turn and hit a dead end and you have to go another way. Just like life, that door closing on you sends you another way. It doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen, it just means you need to go another way. If you keep moving, eventually you will get to where you’re going.

Another thing that is important when you’re in a maze, as in life, is to remember where you have been. If you get turned around and confused in a maze, in order to get out, you have to remember the dead-ends that you have already hit. Just like in life you have to remember all the doors that were closed so you don’t waste time going that way again. If you want to get to your dreams you can’t expect to get there by doing the same thing and going to the same spots. You must try something different. I’m not saying give up on your dream, I’m saying try another path to the same dream. Same maze, same dream, but take a different direction to get there.

I feel sorry for people who have a dream and give up because it gets hard. Let me tell you something, "IT’S GOING TO GET HARD!" And my answer to that is, "SO WHAT? MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!" Don’t stop because a door closed. I have learned to thank God for closed doors. You have to know that if God wanted you to go that way, no man could close that door. But for some reason he allowed that door to be closed, but if that one was closed I assure you that there is one that is open somewhere. And it’s the right one. Don’t stop until you are living your dream.

Is this helping anybody?

Don’t count every day of the week, make every day count.

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It is a great month, a wonderful week and an exciting day to be alive. I trust you are doing very well too.
This is indeed the day the Lord has made! So rejoice and be glad in it.

Well, last week on the Relationships Do Matter Facebook page, I asked friends to help label the days of the week and their suggestions have been interesting and has turned out to be ‘mighty fun’. I recall a phrase that says, "One can not control or overcome something until one has labelled it." So this exercise is designed to help shape our perspective on the days of the week. Will you please help by either providing additional suggestions or helping confirm the choices provided below by leaving a comment below. We will conclude this fun exercise on Friday, June 7th and commence use on Monday, June 10th.
Objective: The final selections (labels) will be a critical driver in our daily conversations, questions, posts, trivia etc.

Remember, Relationships Do Matter and don’t count the days of the week rather make them count.
pFlo
@relationshipsDM

Monday

  1. Majestic Monday;
  2. Monogamous Monday
  3. Mutual Monday

Tuesday

  1. Triumphant Tuesday;
  2. Talking Tuesday
  3. Trustworthy Tuesday

Wednesday

  1. Worship Worthy Wednesday;
  2. Wooing Wednesday
  3. Willing Wednesday

Thursday

  1. Turn-around Thursday;
  2. Tenderness Thursday
  3. Talking Thursday for communication
  4. Tantalizing Thursday

Friday

  1. Favorable Friday; Sacred Saturday; Shackle-free Sunday( bounds are broken!!)
  2. Forgiveness, fun/ friendly Friday
  3. Faithful Friday to remind us to be faithful to our spouses and God

Saturday

  1. Sluggish Saturday.
  2. Sensuous Saturday

Sunday

  1. Super Sunday
  2. Sensitive Sunday
  3. Spiritual Sunday

Image Source: http://pinterest.com/pin/65583738294602078/

LIE: Cheating can save a marriage? I disagree!

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You can imagine my disgust when I read this article today that stated "Cheating can save your marriage by Dan Savage on HuffPost.

Shocking! These ‘modern’ ideas are ungodly and counter every Godly foundational core necessary for marital success such as faithfulness, honesty etc. This reminds me of the popular adage and It is so true that when the purpose of a thing is unknown, then abuse is imminent. Read or watch the article.

Someone tell Savage, strong marriages are built not on occasional infidelity -straying spouse(s) but strong, loyal, faithful and ‘staying’ spouses.

Here’s an excerpt: "Recounting a story from his book about a man who took a lover on the side when his wife’s libido disappeared, Savage told host Josh Zepps that there are times when cheating "is the right thing to do."

"Sometimes it can save a marriage," he said.

Ultimately, the wife’s libido came back, the man parted ways with his lover and their marriage endured. In that situation, Savage says the infidelity was the "lesser of two evils."

Read the rest of the story here: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3362115?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Thank God it’s Friday! -RDM

Random Pictures from the 2013Autism Speaks Walk

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Pictures from the 2013 Autism Speaks Walk @ Soldier Field, Chicago