Tag Archives: love

Alone in the City 3

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It’s weird when who one has, isn’t who one wants.
It’s also weird when who one needs isn’t who one is with.
It is also weird when one knows who the right one is before he or she is even in the picture. Guess what, it really isn’t that weird after all.
-Flo

Here’s the latest post by the lady who is Alone in the City.

Go with my gut?

A few weeks ago, I was asked out on a date by an administrator at a school where I help out with extracurricular events. As he was in charge of all after-school programs, I was required to meet up with him every week to discuss the program’s direction and progress. I hadn’t realized that he had been checking me out.

I agreed to the date even though I had never considered him a romantic prospect. I have always preferred meeting potential dates randomly, in person, than online. I just think it’s more organic. Anyway, we went to a restaurant, ate and conversed for about two hours.

On paper and in person, he was a good potential partner. He had been at his job for over 10 years, owned his own home, played sports, tall and pleasant looking…as far as I could tell, this guy would be perfect for me or any girl for that matter.

So why did I feel absolutely no attraction. Even after our date, I thought maybe he could grow on me but I found myself forgetting about him until a text would come in from him, reminding me that he existed.

“Go on a second date,” my sister advised. “Many people don’t feel an attraction right away. Sometimes, these things take time.”

But I know myself. I’m a “love (or at least, like) at first sight type of girl. If I’m not feeling the guy early, I know I’ll never feel any chemistry with him. There have been times in the past where I haven’t followed my instincts and have ended up being accused of “leading someone on”.

He wrote the other day to ask if I wanted to go see a movie and I took a rain check. Should I bother, knowing I feel no attraction for this guy? Or is it possible for cold, non-existent feelings to eventually turn warm? Is chemistry really all that important or can love grow over time?

Thank you all for reading so far, and I look forward to your responses.

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Alone in the City” is A Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Production 2014

“SIZZLING HOT” MARRIAGE – A perfect valentine’s day gift for married couples.

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HOT MARRIAGE or HOT MONOGAMY sounds like an oxymoron and often we allude HOT to only a DATE, A PERSON or an AFFAIR.

There is a place for a HOT MARRIAGE.

I have been married for more than 15 years and honestly the novelty of a bouquet of roses, candies or perfumes as an ideal valentine’s day gift has worn off. I have to be more creative than that, it does help that my spouse doesn’t really rank those items as critical must haves anymore so that helps but guys if your spouse considers those as must haves, the smart play is to get one or all in addition with this special gift I am recommending.

For us, with the parental responsibilities, work, career, ministry work we are involved in, creating legacy comes to mind as the ultimate focus and being in the same ‘space’ carries more credence than presents. So for us, moving from PRESENTS to PRESENCE is logical. Or like I love to say in my coaching work, the right play for us is moving from being ‘everywhere’ a generalist to being ‘in the moment’.

It’s about enjoying the moments, the jokes, making mistakes and enjoy the process of correction, change and growth. Before you run off thinking how easy this sounds let me summarize common themes from our marriage that I know is applicable to almost all marriages.

Here are some facts we can all agree on –

  1. Marriage is hard and tedious work.
  2. Marriage is not for the immature.
  3. Marriage demands focus and grit.
  4. Marriage works best when both parties are committed to the same goals.
  5. Marriage is God’s idea and it’s marvelous, special and glorious. In addition, it will require God’s grace and power as well.
  6. Marriage demands faithfulness, selflessness and the ability to handle boredom and routine.

If I may, let me encourage all the married readers to consider giving your spouses the gift of a SIZZLING HOT MARRIAGE.

So here are some pointers from Kristen Welch @WeareTHATfamily from her article, “Habits of a Hot Marriage in the Middle of Motherhood and Monotony”. She mentioned how habits take some time to develop and often times require 21 days or more. Try the following six habits for the next month and see what happens she dares. Why don’t we take this dare on?

Daily Habits:

  • Touch everyday: Make a conscious effort to grab his hand, run your hands through her hair, kiss for a couple of seconds. Set a goal to physically touch his arm when you’re talking, tackle him in a hug in your closet, pat her butt on the way out the door.
  • Be good forgivers: Perhaps the most crucial key is forgiveness. Listen, marriage is the union of two people prone to mistakes and sin. You can’t control your spouse, but you can forgive. Refuse to pick them apart, turn molehills into mountains and wave the banner of unforgiveness.
  • Make the little things big: The other day, my husband gave me a card and a new wallet, just because. It was a small thing, but it made a big impression. I knew he was thinking about me when we were apart. Connecting with your spouse in small ways that makes them feel loved is a big deal.
  • Fill our minds with thoughts of each other:  Let’s be honest, we live in a world where it’s easy to fill up our tank with outside influences. From the pretty girl in the office or in the magazine to the romantic, handsome guy in the novel we’re reading or movie we’re watching, there are many ways to get satisfaction outside of our spouse. Lust is ignited with a second look. But when we only let our mate fill up our tank, we are on the path to a marriage that is not only white hot, but holy.
  • Go to bed at the same time: While this might not be possible every night, this habit is important because it is a quiet time to connect. Texting and chatting on the phone are a good substitute if you have to be a part. Nearly missing each other constantly brings a chaos to your home that isn’t healthy for your marriage or family.
  • Compliment each other:  This might sound like a no-brainer, but 500 people can like my new hair cut and none of the compliments mean as much as his. Seeing him look at me — really look and watch attraction ignite in his eyes is amazing. We were shopping the other day and I casually pointed out the green t-shirt on sale and said, “That would look good on you.” My daughter tried to convince him to get the red one and I overheard him tell her, “No, mom likes the green.” Your influence over your spouse is powerful, use it to bless them.

Kristen honestly declared that they get it right some days and miss the mark other days. But we never give up. Click to read her entire article on HuffPost

So married couples let this Valentine’s Day be one where focus is placed on the legacy of your union, the sanctity of your marriage and the beautiful yet undiscovered fun and joy in your homes.

We are going to give it a go as well…I’ll remind you weekly for the next 3-4 weeks. Do it! You can do it.

-Flo
@holyflo
www.relationshipsdomatter.com

“THIS FRAME DIDN’T LOOK LIKE IT EITHER.” – Sinmisola Ogúnyinka

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All that glitters isn’t gold! A popular adage that captures a myopic viewpoint on life and relationship matters. I have heard many similar painful stories, seen many heart breaks. This story is a stern reminder, so please look hard before you jump. Enjoy!

I met this couple a few years back. Sweet-looking things, if you ask me. I thought the wife, Tomi Feyiji, was the most beautiful thing created since Eve. I assume Eve must have been the epitome of female perfection. God wanted to impress Adam, right? Sola Feyiji fitted his wife. He was tall, milk-chocolate, muscular, and polished. The kind of man every woman wanted to take home to her parents. Well, former university queen, Tomi, took him home.

When I met them, they had been married for six years and had a lovely three-year old daughter. Suffice to say, Tomi looked like she’d never had a child. In our church at that time, the class thing was huge, and Sola and Tomi rocked the centre. Tomi was the elegant first lady of her husband’s world. She did nothing but spend her days looking good, and the nights gracing her millionaire husband’s arm at the most prestigious gatherings. Sola spent his life making more and more money as a software developer. People saw them as the couple made in heaven. I did too.

Until I was ‘privileged’ to become their house fellowship leader, a job I did for six hellish months. Sola and Tomi lived in a gated estate in Ikeja with their three-year old daughter, Temi, and eight uniformed staff. As the house fellowship pastor, I visited all my members in the neighborhood an hour before fellowship started, encouraging them to attend. The first few weeks after the centre opened proved to be difficult for me. Tomi was heavily pregnant and prone to crazy mood switches, even during the fellowship. On more than one occasion, I came to the house to find the couple in the middle of a heated argument. So heated, I asked the butler to turn members away. Why did they offer their house for cell fellowship when they knew they were like… this? When I complained to the house fellowship pastor, he explained the church needed the location to attract members from that exclusive estate. But what a mistake it turned out to be. House fellowship in the Feyijis’ house closed three months after Tomi delivered a bouncing baby boy. The family had been given a date for their boy’s coming to church. The day before, as the house fellowship leader, I went to visit. I knew an event planner was in charge of the party so I had no ‘help’ to render in preparation of the party the following day. But to fulfill all righteousness, I visited.

Something must have happened before I got there. When I arrived, the butler and was cowering somewhere, and wanted me to get to the couple and intervene. There was noise everywhere. I heard Tomi screaming, and breaking things. Sola cursed intermittently. I only took a moment to get incoherent details from the butler. Confused and angry, I ran into their bedroom, it wasn’t my first time there to settle a fight, and stopped short. I had never seen anything so crazy outside of Hollywood, and Nollywood.

Tomi had the baby dangling by one leg in her hand. A knife in her other hand. Sola was shouting at the top of his voice that he’d kill her if she harmed his son. The baby was screaming and sweating profusely, and Temi hugged her teddy, and cried at one corner of the room. I died several times. “Put the baby down, Sister Tomi, please. Put the knife down.” She screamed something I didn’t hear. And flung the baby in the direction of the husband. People told me I was fat. But that day, I proved the Yoruba saying: a body doesn’t get so huge the owner cannot lift it. I don’t know where the speed came from. I dove in front of Sola, who had ducked because he thought she threw the knife, and caught the baby before he hit the marble floor. No one died, thank God. But I hit my head on the floor, and the baby got away with a broken arm where part of my weight fell on him as I tried to shield him from the hard floor.

Need I say the party didn’t hold the following day? Who could have ever imagined this beautiful frame called Tomi was capable of such madness?

Click for more information: Sinmisola Ogúnyinka’s Books
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Image Licensed under the creative commons license, epSos.de as the original author.

“Alone in the City”

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Sometimes, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.

A few weeks ago I challenged a single lady…to stop complaining and doing the same things she did in 2013. I was adamant that she had to do something different in 2014. Well, well…what came out of it surprised me. She offered to share her ramblings including mode swings, prayers, expectations, fears, challenges, concerns, questions and stories weekly while offering the public a chance to weigh in as well.

She’s educated, matured, 30-40ish, christian lady and believe me we’ve decided to talk about anything. Nothing is off limit, or too sacred…and the kicker is there is absolutely no scripting whatsoever. She has the benefit of anonimity to be herself and so without much ado, I know each week will present it’s own share of fun, challenge and insight. Honestly, I can’t tell you how this ends…because I don’t know so why don’t we go on this journey together? I hope you tag along…it starts next week, Wednesday January 22nd. Excited? Absolutely, you should.
@PstFlo

Her Introduction –

Hello dear friends of Relationships Do Matter (RDM) –
Recently, I decided to take Pastor Flo’s advice to stop doing the same things regarding my dating life in 2014. I mean, if I want to get out of living single and into marriage, I might actually have to leave my house, right? So far, The One hasn’t crashed through my roof so I guess he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to meet him halfway or he has been searching for me, who knows.

Me: I am a spontaneous, witty, funny late 30ish lady currently based in one of the cold regions in the US and and things can get really slow around these parts. I think I’m a decent-looking girl with some fashion sense. So I don’t understand why weeks go by, and not even a wink from a guy, any guy! Like a friend once said, “I don’t understand. It’s like I’m a ghost”. I know that being single is not a status and really means being content with the life I have but I have struggles.

This column is about me taking the bull by its horns this year. I’m going to try different things since the everyday “girl bumps into guy, they fall in love” scenario is not quite working (where I live, I’m more likely to bump into a snowbank). I will try online dating, I will not say no to any friends, family or strangers who want to play matchmaker, and I will not judge any guy until I’ve been out with him at least twice.

Your role, my dear readers, here is to help me along this journey. I will need your opinions and your advice. You will help me spot the red flags. You will tell me if I’m being overly picky.

I’m excited about this next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. Pastor Flo (@holyflo) will be the voice of wisdom on this forum/exchange/conversation and will help us all tie our loose ends together. If there is a heated debate, his will be the calm voice that will bring folks back to order.

I look forward to the next few months and invite you to be a voice on this journey.

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It will be fun, I hope !?!
Bye for now.
I am “Alone in the City” (c)

Relationships Do Matter, 2014

7 Items for a Daily Romantic Checklist

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  1. Compliment your partner.
  2. Spend 20 minutes of uninterrupted time together.
  3. Call on your way home on your cell.
  4. Say “I love you” at least three times.
  5. Perform 1 small – and unexpected gesture
  6. Thank your partner for something
  7. Take one extra minute when kissing 

Quote: The best things in life.

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“The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life’s plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.”

– Robert Louis Stevenson

“A Lady With A Past” – A Short Story

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Image “Hi, I’m Genevieve…”

He twitched and for the first time in two years, I sincerely wished, prayed, begged God he didn’t recognize that name. I had grown accustomed to it, the twitches, cringes, and plain old look of disgust. Some just walk away. Others have the effrontery to question me.

“How could you?” “What did you plan to gain?” “You could have just shut your mouth.” “Deal with it, jor!” On and on and on. Those had not bothered me. Amazing that instead of getting bitter, I grew strong. Wasn’t that what the truth did, set you free? Whether the people who heard liked it or not.

“Dave…” We shook hands and he held on to mine. “Your name sounds awfully familiar. Did you live in Lagos four years ago?”
I smiled. Diplomacy. Sure I lived in Lagos till two years ago when the heat grew too much and I relocated to Port Harcourt where I had more friends and family than foes. Many had advised me to not move.

“People will think you are running away.”

Well I was. He who fights and runs lives to fight another day. I was fighting so many other days here, worshipping in a small church where they all accepted me despite my reputation or lack of it. My small sized business did well, and I could pay my bills. What more did the renowned Genevieve want in life?

Two years like yesterday.

“I lived in Lagos till two years ago.” He smiled. Oh, such gorgeous smile. “I know you then, by reputation.”
Blunt. “Or the lack of it.”

He smiled wider. “Pleased to meet you.”

He was cutting me a huge deal, might I add someone important to the future of my business. Of course, it had become a taboo for me to express any affection or emotions for a man. Knowing who I was, or am, or supposed to be. Another Monica Lewinsky. Another little fox that spoils great vines. Hmm. What did I not hear my name changed to? However, it is well. I smiled. “I’m glad.” I brought out my proposal.

He looked at it, and didn’t touch it. “Can we talk over dinner?” My mouth dropped open. Of course I didn’t need any endorsement. In fact after the scandal that set me free, despite the talk, I didn’t have interest in any male.

“This is business,” I said.

He frowned. “I know. But I’m more interested in the dinner.” He shrugged. “Please?”
“I’ve not done dinners in a while.”

“Then, please.”

I struggled. This wasn’t easy for me. I was attracted to him, something that had not happened in ages. He was a business contact, someone who had investment interests in my fashion business. But at the moment, I needed his attention, so I shrugged.

He chose the dinner location. We had a fun night. And he asked to see me again. To another dinner to talk business. Which didn’t happen again because he asked for another date.

I later learned there wasn’t meant to be any business talk. Someone had done this match-make. Someone had been tired of the hard life I subjected myself to. No socials. No relationships. I was almost a nun in the church.

My friend and sister had told him to meet me. They’d told me he was a businessman looking for investment in small businesses. Of course, they didn’t tell him my name. Or who I was. Just that the only reason I’d agree to meet him would be to discuss business. And he played along, a bachelor looking for a good woman to marry. I’d say my loved ones had a good sense of humor. I don’t know how many out there thought I was a good woman. Not that it mattered.

Courting Dave helped me to move on. Like most Christians who heard when the story of the silly girl and big celebrity pastor burst, Dave had shrugged and moved on. But meeting me, falling for me, loving me, and later marrying me taught us both many lessons.

God can indeed use anything, anyone, to confirm his truth. All God needs is a yielded vessel. If it’s the truth, God will sort the rest.

Click for more information: Sinmisola Ogúnyinka’s Books
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Twitter: @sinmisolaog

Vulnerable & Exposed – Thought of the day

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If I am out of place, my woman is vulnerable.
If she is out of place, I become exposed. 
So are you vulnerable or exposed ?
Get back into your place, TODAY. HURRY at least one life is dependent on it. 

Who is Love? What is Love?

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God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s.
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There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (1 John 4:17, 18 MSG)