3 RELATIONSHIP MYTHS

Singles, this piece is for you. Let’s talk about myths especially those subtle beliefs within your hearts and heads. I elaborated on these three last weekend during my monthly hangout session and hope they are thought provoking such that you realize the need to do more than you ever did last year in this new year. 

By the way, “MYTHS” are those widely held, but false beliefs or ideas. These three were some of the popular myths singles have and hold dearly to, no apologies as I ‘bust’ these myths and I remain hopeful that you will do more than react. Let me know your thoughts. 

ONE: 
MYTH: I can only be happy in a marital relationship. 
FACT: A ‘successful’ marriage (relationship) is not a product of selfishness, or one sided love. Rather, it is a journey that starts definitely before the wedding ceremony. If one is not happy being alone, how can one be happy coupled? 

 

TWO:

MYTH: I am ready to marry and all I need to do is only pray. 
FACT: Unfortunately, just focusing on one aspect of preparation is naive and grossly insufficient. There are numerous critical ingredients that lead to a relationship and required to maintain a successful relationship or marriage.

 

THREE: 
MYTH: I don’t need mentoring or coaching (formal or informal). 
FACT: Every goal stands upon a plan. Purposeful coaching, mentoring and access to information and interaction in a conducive non-judgmental environment is vital. 

Discover more truths and be intentional about eliminating the popular, yet false beliefs you have about marriage and relationships. Find out more about growing in your relationships in 2014 here: RDM Relationship Academy

Relationships Do Matter
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Others: 4 Relationship (Marriage) Myths: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-terri-orbuch/relationship-fact-or-fict_b_774976.html

 

The Single Life – Video Recap

Brief recap of the Jan 11th Singles Hangout. Listen and sign up for the 2014 RDM ACADEMY.

Click here: http://relationshipsdomatter.com/rdmacademy/

#Singles HANGOUT on Air – Jan 11th, 2014 @9AM CST

You are invited to the 1st RDM HANGOUT of 2014.
What: A FREE mentoring and coaching session for singles, titled “The Single Life”.
Audience: Global (Open to All Singles) – Single & Dating; Single & Engaged; Recently Single; Divorced;  Single Parents.

#SinglesHANGOUT on Air.

Time: Jan 11th @ 9AM CST
3.00PM GMT (London/Europe)
4.00PM WAT (Lagos/West African Time) 
5.00PM CAT (South Africa/Central African Time)
Sign up, Save the date and invite your friends, this is going to be a blast.
#relationships   #singles   #hangoutsonair  

8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single By Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life.
Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. The point of this article isn’t to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box.

 

However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “Why am I still single?” here are some unconventional answers that lie within.
When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s hard not to feel that you are a victim. After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn’t always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.

To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives. We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can’t. We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions.

So, the question for the single person looking for love is: What are the internal challenges I need to face?

1) Defenses

Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and become defensive. This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.

If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past. You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up. As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.

Here are some of the other reasons-

2) Unhealthy Attractions

3) Fear of Intimacy

4) Pickiness

Read the rest of the article here: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201311/8-reasons-you-might-still-be-single

Related articles

• 8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single (psychologytoday.com)
• What It Means to Be Loving (wonderfultips.wordpress.com)
• Signs and Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem (mylifesuglytruth.wordpress.com)
• 7 Steps to Living the Life You Imagined (psychologytoday.com)

Need to talk to someone today ?  Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

Question: The Past

A reblog – When the Past is not Past, What do you do?

QUESTION: I am in a relationship with a Christian girl who wants to put God first and seek His will in our relationship. However, she has a very promiscuous and abusive past, leaving her with a permanent STD. I feel like I should end the relationship, but if she is truly repentant I believe I should be able to get past her issues and love her for the person she has become. Her past grieves me…it’s such a burden to me right now. Should I enjoy my time with her and let God do His work in our lives, or reluctantly part ways and search for someone else?

Read the responses here –  http://www.crosswalk.com/family/singles/he-said-she-said/he-said-she-said-when-the-past-is-painful.html

When the past is still affecting the future, it is not the past.
Relationships Do Matter,
PFlo

 

21 SUGGESTIONS FOR S*U*C*C*E*S*S BY H.Jackson Brown, Jr.

21 SUGGESTIONS FOR S*U*C*C*E*S*S BY H.Jackson Brown, Jr.

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
2. Work at something you enjoy and that’s worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a grateful heart.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal.
15. Be honest.
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be decisive even if it means you’ll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the thing you didn’t do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don’t do anything that wouldn’t make your Mom proud.

Graphics, courtesy of ‘freepik.com;

Marriage = Hard Work; So Roll Up Your Sleeves.

It has been an interesting week and just before the weekend kicks off I wanted to stir the pot. For many who so desperately long for marriage, let me break the news to you as gently as possible.

Marriage requires a lot of hard work. It’s indeed a ‘what you put into it, is what you get proposition’. Don’t panic! I didn’t say Marriage is impossible, I simply said it demands your commitment and that’s hard work. By hard work, I am simply stating the obvious and preparing you for what lies ahead. Hard work doesn’t eliminate the fun, passion, excitement and fulfilment but it means ‘children’ should be barred from engaging in it until they are matured enough to appreciate and enjoy working hard for marriage will not work for the immature, lazy, selfish and self absorbed.

Manual:
If you’ve ever bought a piece of furniture that requires assembly especially those in multiple boxes then you can probably relate. Within those boxes (holding your beautiful pieces of furniture) are instruction booklets. Here’s the obvious, your beautiful furniture is dependent on your adherence, strict adherence to the series of instructions (including recommended tools, sequence etc).

If you trivialize the assembly process, you create a ‘monster’.
If you second-guess the instructions, you waste time.
If you outsource the instructions, you display your lack of knowledge.

Actually, your absolute adherence doesn’t make you dumb, it confirms your wisdom. It saves you time, it makes you happy and fulfilled. I can see you smiling already.

So why don’t we apply the same approach to these ‘marriage’ instructions?
Roll up your sleeves.
Make some room.
Place a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door.
Now read below.

Here are the four ‘Must Dos’ for Every Husband. (Single Men, take note and confirm if you are ready)
Using the perfect allegory from Eph 5:25-28 (MSG)

Husbands, go all out in your LOVE for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—

1. A love marked by GIVING not GETTING.
2. A love that makes the bride WHOLE (proud, bold, confident and assured).
3. Your WORDS must EVOKE her beauty consistently.
4. Everything you do and say is designed to bring the BEST out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness,

That is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

Wives surprisingly, here is the one ‘Must do’. (Single Ladies, read below to confirm if you are ready)

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise SUBMIT to their husbands (not to another man, only your husband please).

Let’s agree to disagree, but these are non-negotiable.
Now are you ready for hard work, oops marriage?
pFlo

“An Open Letter”

Dear “S”,

It’s starting to feel like Spring. I hope and trust this meets you well. This is a follow up to our conversation about your journey, yep that ‘relationship’ journey filled with its numerous challenges and fun. LOL! I understand the expectations, the dos and don’ts’. Does it get easier, you ask?

Well, I know how you feel. I really do feel your pain; you’re struggling, pressured, overwhelmed and frustrated. I sense your desire to give up, you’ve said it numerous times that it’s probably better to be average than go all out. You posit that it’s easier that way; easier to deal with anguish, disappointments, failures and intermittent victories if you are average. Maybe it won’t hurt that much…

If I can just be honest for a moment, average and it’s dull amber lights teases you to succumb to it’s lies, it’s easy it seems considering how common and popular it is. I do admit that there is a tendency to assume here and as I speak to others just like you, there is no denying the fact that this is one of the biggest issues many singles face daily. The monster called peer pressure, the pressure to succumb to the majority, to fit in and to be accepted.

Can we just talk ? Can I be frank?
Why bother you ask?

Why bother confronting average, a state many would rather assume is ideal?

Why be different when it’s easier to blend in?

Well, before you tune me out understand that isn’t about the past; our past is past but about the wondrous opportunities in our future. Ever since I met Grace, my perspective has changed. For this ‘Grace’ in the book of Titus 2, verse 11- 15 appeared with an agenda for mankind and quickly became to teach all what and how to deny, embrace, accept, adopt and display. See in my line of work mentoring, counseling and raising singles and leaders, I have realized it’s not about ease or convenience but obedience.

The injunction to stand out is not convenient at all.

You know this much don’t you?

• It has never been easy to walk by faith in this generation and culture.
• It has never been easy to live righteously.
• It has never been easy to make a difference.
• It has never been easy to do what God‘s word requires, demands, expects, commands and instructs.

Honestly, it has never been easy, so forget easy. It’s always been by Grace.

Join me for an hour long free tele-conference, it’s an hour long ‘Not for the faint of heart’, Sex & Single Conversation where all singles, Christ followers are challenged to step up and set a new standard for this generation! Don’t hide, don’t give in, don’t dismiss it…issues, questions and much more. I know you’ve got many questions and I think we better talk. Check it out first, keep your opinions at bay, click here – http://eepurl.com/jRyW5

 

PS: Some of the lessons for a successful relationship include numerous biblical insights, quotes, ideas with an appreciation of both sexes, male and female as well as wise counsel from my mentors who paved the way. These insights are in my new book, ‘Relationships Do Matter’ and from which I will be sharing with you on the free conference call. So what are you waiting for?

pF*

 

#4

It’s Friday, Thank God!
Count down fever ? Not Here!!!

By the way, do let me know what you think about my top 10 love quotes.
Freely share yours and who knows maybe it will make my list in 2013.

Without much ado, here is #4: “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.” SOS 3:5b MSG

Read the summary below to understand the context and appreciate the agony, passion, sacrifice, demand, feelings and intensity of a wife in love…

“Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover.
I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful.
So I got up, went out and roved the city, hunting through streets and down alleys. I wanted my lover in the worst way!

I looked high and low, and didn’t find him. And then the night watchmen found me as they patrolled the darkened city. “Have you seen my dear lost love?” I asked. No sooner had I left them than I found him, found my dear lost love.
I threw my arms around him and held him tight, wouldn’t let him go until I had him home again, safe at home beside the fire. Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:  Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”

Interesting right ? I guess so.
pF*

Please don’t SETTLE (A response)

Hello All,

Someone posted this blog ( “If you call it ‘settling’, then yes, I have settled“) in the Relationship Matters Group Page (Click Here) and asked for comments, well it grew into (well read below) and please feel free to share your thoughts.

pF*

#5

The second half on the journey of favorite top 10 love quotes has begun.

• To love is to see the invisible.
• To love is to capture the supernatural.
• To love is to venture into the realm of possibilities.

Here is #5:
“Whoso loves believes the impossible.” –Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Indeed, love makes all impossibilities, possible.

Believe that!
pF*

#6

It’s getting serious now, folks. SIX days left… and panic is sprinkled into the love that is in the air. Even some ladies are getting anxious…clam down, people. Calm down!  Is it even remotely possible that Valentine’s day could be overrated ? Join the conversation on “RelationshipMatters”.

 

Here is #6 of my favorite love quotes; a quote that forces the conversation and demands that we consider and make an informed decision focused on longevity (as in ‘forever’ – marriage). 

 

So here we go…

 

Love… What is love? Love is to love someone for who they are, who they were, and who they will be. -Chris Moore (A satirist)

 

Agree ?

 

Love your day!

pF*

#8

Love is in the air, each one of us has a unique responsibility to guard and protect love so that it doesn’t wane. Here is the next quote on my list of favorite love quotes. Remember a love dose a day, keeps fear, hate, sorrow away. Feel free to share yours too by the way. #love rules.

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” – Anais Nin

The Difference

Is this possible we might have found  the missing relationship misnomer ?
Is it possible the men and women are looking at each other incorrectly ?
Is it possible that we’ve got our peculiarities and differences tangled up ? 

You don’t say!

Or is it possible men are just so confused by what they think women want they themselves have it twisted ? Well, regardless of how far the pendulum has swung, let’s make it right.
Now, read this excerpt I found in my draft box this morning, SLOWLY.

“A woman would be much better off if she could distinguish the difference between a man that flatters her and a man that compliments her. A man that spends money on her and a man who invests in her. A man that views her as property and a man that views her properly. A man that lusts after her and a man that loves her. A man that believes he is God‘s gift to women and a man that REMEMBERS a woman was God’s gift to man.” – Anon

So what do you think ?

pF*

A ‘PLS’ Swag

One of the first visible enemies of Relationships in 2012 from my observations and interactions is Fear. Everyone is afraid…Fear Not! Fear steals, kills and destroys everything in it’s path. If given residency albeit temporary, it assumes citizenship. Fear devours Dreams, Hopes, Expectations, Joy and much more. Fear must be addressed quickly, promptly and effectively.

So today, guard against fear first withIN then withOUT. How ?
Recall what you’ve been given and use it judiciously.

You forgot ? Ok, let me remind you again… from 2Tim 1:7

• You have POWER (the courage and competence to act and get things done)
• You have LOVE (the relational ingredient that can not be toppled)
• You have a SOUND MIND (the insight, perspective, wisdom – to be, do and much more)

So believe it and embrace who and what you are and override that ‘alien’ called fear.

Walk with a PLS swag!